I’ll say this in my About page, but this blog will be my soapbox for anything related to stories. A big thing I want to do with it is write reviews. But that’s not all I’m going to do. I might just delve into one aspect of a book or movie. Talk about why a character is so important. Or some posts, like this one, might be a little more personal in nature. I might just diatribe about what a story means to me. So, I’m figuring this out as I go, but I’m going to try to be diligent about Categories and Tags, so if you’re only interested in reviews, you can hit up the Reviews category. Or if you want want to read my overly wordy discourses on Star Wars (what is wrong with you?!), hit up the Star Wars category. Eventually. As I continue to post. All this is theoretical right now.
First post, y’all. It’s weird starting a blog. It feels like there is supposed to be pomp and circumstance. Like I’m not allowed to just jump into the stream of things. I have to make some sort of big deal about it.
I also am feeling an undue amount of pressure to make my first post about STAR WARS. Because I know everyone sits around with bated breath waiting for me bring up Star Wars yet again (it occurs to me that people could probably make a drinking game out of it, and spend a good chunk of time inebriated).
I also feel like I can’t be too specific or too heavy with the first post. Like I gotta just keep it to a generic, “Here I am! This is what I’m doing! Yay!” post.
I have no idea if any of these feeling are remotely accurate. I don’t have any experience with blogs (I only intermittently read a few family member’s and few friend’s blogs). I am fairly certain my Star Wars feeling is accurate though. I do have a lot of experience with Star Wars. And judging by the fact that most of the Facebook posts friends and family tag me in are along the lines of “#Kimberly this reminded me of you! (insert Star Wars meme/picture/video/quote/etc)” I might be right. Not saying that’s what everyone wants to read. But Star Wars is what they expect to read from me. So that is what I will go with and deliver.
Actual post, here we go-
STAR WARS – otherwise known as MY LIFE
Everyone who knows me will say I’m obsessed with Star Wars. I don’t think many people know or get why. Or know when it started. So History Lesson! This is something I don’t think I have EVER told anyone. Not even my family.
When I was little (4ish) my mom was a coach and once a week (a couple times a week? [how am I supposed to remember?! I was only 4?!]) she would drop me off at her friend’s house and they would babysit me as she went to work. They didn’t have any young kids. They didn’t really have any kid movies. But they did have The Sandlot. Which I watched. Every… Single… Time… (Really, I feel sorry for them.) But I remember that sometimes I would look at their movie shelf. And on that movie shelf sat this VHS. With a picture that I thought was absolutely fascinating. You know. The classic one:
I remember staring at this picture and asking about this movie several times. And they would tell me “Oh, that’s not a kid movie. You won’t like it.” I’m not even sure if they ever told me the name. They probably did. Or I was starting to read it. Not entirely sure. I was 4, ok? One thing I am completely sure of is that picture was both completely fascinating, and completely familiar.
Let me say that again: It was fascinating and unknown to me. Yet it was completely familiar.
And I don’t mean because I saw the vhs at home or at a friend’s house. I know for a fact that my parents only had a tv recording of Return of the Jedi until we got the boxed set of Lucas’ first round of edits. I have no memories of staring at it anywhere else. But I remember thinking that this movie had to be the most important movie on their shelf. That somehow it was important to me. I know that sounds crazy. I know you all probably think I’m projecting my current obsession to memories of childhood. But while I may not remember day-to-day details of my life at 4, I have very precise memories of emotions and events from when I was 3. My memories have always been precious to me. Some of my earliest memories are of me sitting there trying to remember my earliest memories. I don’t remember everything. But I do have a nice archive of memories that are cemented in my head. And I am telling you, knowing absolutely nothing about Star Wars, my 4-year-old self felt emotionally connected to that picture.
But they never explained Star Wars to me. Never let me watch it. So I sat down and watched The Sandlot. Again. Because I was 4.
Flash Forward: I wish I could describe in detail what it was like to watch Star Wars for the first time. You would think with how strongly I bonded to a vhs box that I would have seen the heavens open up and the angels sing to me as I took this first step on this path. But I’ve got nothing. Huh. Maybe I can’t remember because the heavens did open up and the angels did sing, but I wasn’t meant to remember such glory. Or… most likely there was never a true first watching. The various movies were probably on in the background somewhere – adults were watching them while we kids were playing in the vicinity, etc. and I just absorbed them osmosis. But the closest thing I can remember is having a tv recording of RotJ (that was started late, so it starts with R2 and 3PO coming up to Jabba’s Palace). I remember really liking the Ewoks. I remember being really excited when my oldest sister got the box set for a birthday.
*Sidenote* I love watching people experience STAR WARS for the first time because I have no memory of it myself.
I remember Star Wars being a steady base in my childhood: Pretending to be a Jedi on the trampoline. Lightsaber battles with wrapping paper tubes and foam bats with two different sets of cousins (these were upgraded to plastic lightsabers once Phantom Menace came out). Legos. Make-Believe. It wasn’t the only thing I did or watched. It wasn’t all-consuming, like it sort of is now. But it was a steady presence.
I imagine the history lesson is starting to get boring by now, so I won’t take you through my progression up to the current day. The main point I really want to get across is that I’m not just a fanatic, or obsessed. I have not been struck with a case of over-excited fangirl swooning. It is a building block (and a very large one) in the makeup of me.
I cannot separate myself from it, and what’s more is that has been an advantage for me. Because it is a steady beat in my life it has helped me through a lot of stress and anxiety. When I was fighting with stress-induced insomnia that would keep me awake literally all night, I found that if I threw on one of the 6, I could focus on the movie (which was comforting because it is a part of me/my childhood/my makeup) to distract myself from the stress I would dwell on, and comfortably drift to sleep. I would also have them running continuously in the background as I was up all night frantically studying or writing a paper, and again, they would keep my stress levels down so I could focus on what was important.
Long story short, I don’t like Star Wars. I don’t love Star Wars. I’m not obsessed with Star Wars.
Star Wars is, quite simply, a part of me.